AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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