He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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