tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
