I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
