is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
