you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
