I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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