ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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