Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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