# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
