you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
