I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize