I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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