whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
