You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
