Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
