I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
