If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He? As in you personified your dick?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
