i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
