Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
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