Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
