I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
