so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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