is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
