I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
