she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
