somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
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He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
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I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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