he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
