Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
