I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
