Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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