She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
