Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
