I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
