I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
