Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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