So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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