@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
