The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
