Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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