is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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