I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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