idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
