my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
