She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
