It's like a parade of train wrecks.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
