have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
