I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Houston, we have a blender
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
