i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
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Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
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He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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