Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
