no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
