I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
