The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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