dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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