i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
