You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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