Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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