Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize